Domestic violence is your business
By rajiv Gopie
It seems that the murders and other atrocities that are plaguing our land are now being joined in the news by a spate of domestic violence incidents some of which have led to murder, broken families and shattered lives. The issue of domestic violence may now have come to the forefront but it is an issue that has always plagued our nation; it has now reached major proportions. There is a collective shame to be had, from those at the heights of power to the ordinary citizen, when it comes to the issue of domestic violence.
Domestic violence is all around us; it involves all types of abuse in the home and among those we most trust and love. Domestic violence can involve physical abuse, mental and verbal abuse. This is no small issue; this is not a problem that can be ignored. It seems that we as a society have come to silently condone this cancer that is eating away at the sacred family unit which forms the basis of society.
Domestic violence is ingrained in our culture. It is linked to many aspects of our society that are beyond despicable and disheartening. Chief amongst these are alcohol and drug abuse, hyper masculinity, misogynistic music and hyper sexuality.
Whatever the cause, this situation is wholly unacceptable, but even more disgusting is the way that the greater Trinidad and Tobago society does nothing to change things. It is nothing short of cowardice and the utmost selfishness when a man is beating his wife for the neighbours to refuse to call the police or intervene, saying things like, "That is not my business", "Dat between dem, me eh getting involved" or even worse, "she look for that". We have all heard these and many people reading this will realise this is applicable to them.
I am here to say that it is your business, you are supposed to be your neighbour's and fellow citizen's keeper. No good citizen should allow wanton abuse and violence to go on unchallenged. It is indeed a person devoid of humanity and possessing no attributes of a real man who will beat his wife or children; no woman of real substance will abuse her husband or children.
The shame, however, does not only lie with the citizenry. It lies even more with the police who are notorious for letting issues of domestic violence get out of control. The popular refrain is, "Dat is husband and wife business". Too many are the stories that come to light of battered and abused spouses, elders and children who made countless reports at stations only to be ignored or laughed off. The police are also notorious for laughing at men who are beaten by their wives. This is a serious problem in T&T. These men who are seeking help are called all matters of names, from "panty man" to "mama man" and all manner of derogatory terms.
The people we pay to "protect and serve" us abdicate their duty to the most vulnerable and the most marginalised and instead ridicule them. It is only when the situation turns to murder or near murder that the authorities get involved, but by then it is too late.
Yet with everyone knowing that this is going on no one has lost their job, no discipline has been meted out and the corrupt, festering, backward system is allowed to continue, even as members of our society are terrorised, battered and murdered.
There is an immediate need to address this issue and it must start where all good policies start — in the homes and in the schools. Proper education on what is acceptable behaviour and interaction and what is real masculinity and femininity must be encouraged. The children of abuse must also have the facilities and resources to safely report abuse at home to counsellors in school. To this extent it is necessary to place proper guidance counselling resources in all schools.
The state must also strengthen its domestic violence laws to overcome the hurdle of uncooperative witnesses. Many times victims refuse to testify for economic reasons or the fear of retribution. The state must find a way to prosecute these criminals, because they are just that— criminals. The police service also needs to be trained and sensitised to deal with domestic violence issues. The old backward and heartless position that what goes on in the home need not concern the protective services has to be swept away and a more caring and sensitive service equipped to deal and rectify these issues needs to be set up.
Services such as shelters for battered women, elderly care, children and family courts also need to be upgraded and strengthened. It is necessary as a society that we have the safely nets and facilities to help those that are most at risk and in need of help and protection. It is a crying shame that as a country with a female prime minster, women are still being abused and treated badly in their own homes. It is shame that in a land of plenty children are being abused and the elderly are being starved and insulted to the point of tears.
There are no words strong enough to express how loathsome are the people who abuse members of their own families. There are no words to describe the cowardice and heartlessness of those who allow abuse to continue.
I know there are those who help and have stepped in to prevent these wrongs. These heroes however are far and too few. It is time that we begin to care for our fellow citizens as our own. When we realise that we are just all one people who are here on this earth for a short time, maybe then can we live in peace and harmony. We all need to look out for each other.
• Rajiv Gopie won the President's Medal for business studies/modern studies in 2006. He has a degree in International Studies and Anthropology from the University of Toronto and is an MSc. candidate in International Relations at the London School of Economics and Political Sciences.
• rajivgopie@hotmail.com
Domestic violence is all around us; it involves all types of abuse in the home and among those we most trust and love. Domestic violence can involve physical abuse, mental and verbal abuse. This is no small issue; this is not a problem that can be ignored. It seems that we as a society have come to silently condone this cancer that is eating away at the sacred family unit which forms the basis of society.
Domestic violence is ingrained in our culture. It is linked to many aspects of our society that are beyond despicable and disheartening. Chief amongst these are alcohol and drug abuse, hyper masculinity, misogynistic music and hyper sexuality.
Whatever the cause, this situation is wholly unacceptable, but even more disgusting is the way that the greater Trinidad and Tobago society does nothing to change things. It is nothing short of cowardice and the utmost selfishness when a man is beating his wife for the neighbours to refuse to call the police or intervene, saying things like, "That is not my business", "Dat between dem, me eh getting involved" or even worse, "she look for that". We have all heard these and many people reading this will realise this is applicable to them.
I am here to say that it is your business, you are supposed to be your neighbour's and fellow citizen's keeper. No good citizen should allow wanton abuse and violence to go on unchallenged. It is indeed a person devoid of humanity and possessing no attributes of a real man who will beat his wife or children; no woman of real substance will abuse her husband or children.
The shame, however, does not only lie with the citizenry. It lies even more with the police who are notorious for letting issues of domestic violence get out of control. The popular refrain is, "Dat is husband and wife business". Too many are the stories that come to light of battered and abused spouses, elders and children who made countless reports at stations only to be ignored or laughed off. The police are also notorious for laughing at men who are beaten by their wives. This is a serious problem in T&T. These men who are seeking help are called all matters of names, from "panty man" to "mama man" and all manner of derogatory terms.
The people we pay to "protect and serve" us abdicate their duty to the most vulnerable and the most marginalised and instead ridicule them. It is only when the situation turns to murder or near murder that the authorities get involved, but by then it is too late.
Yet with everyone knowing that this is going on no one has lost their job, no discipline has been meted out and the corrupt, festering, backward system is allowed to continue, even as members of our society are terrorised, battered and murdered.
There is an immediate need to address this issue and it must start where all good policies start — in the homes and in the schools. Proper education on what is acceptable behaviour and interaction and what is real masculinity and femininity must be encouraged. The children of abuse must also have the facilities and resources to safely report abuse at home to counsellors in school. To this extent it is necessary to place proper guidance counselling resources in all schools.
The state must also strengthen its domestic violence laws to overcome the hurdle of uncooperative witnesses. Many times victims refuse to testify for economic reasons or the fear of retribution. The state must find a way to prosecute these criminals, because they are just that— criminals. The police service also needs to be trained and sensitised to deal with domestic violence issues. The old backward and heartless position that what goes on in the home need not concern the protective services has to be swept away and a more caring and sensitive service equipped to deal and rectify these issues needs to be set up.
Services such as shelters for battered women, elderly care, children and family courts also need to be upgraded and strengthened. It is necessary as a society that we have the safely nets and facilities to help those that are most at risk and in need of help and protection. It is a crying shame that as a country with a female prime minster, women are still being abused and treated badly in their own homes. It is shame that in a land of plenty children are being abused and the elderly are being starved and insulted to the point of tears.
There are no words strong enough to express how loathsome are the people who abuse members of their own families. There are no words to describe the cowardice and heartlessness of those who allow abuse to continue.
I know there are those who help and have stepped in to prevent these wrongs. These heroes however are far and too few. It is time that we begin to care for our fellow citizens as our own. When we realise that we are just all one people who are here on this earth for a short time, maybe then can we live in peace and harmony. We all need to look out for each other.
• Rajiv Gopie won the President's Medal for business studies/modern studies in 2006. He has a degree in International Studies and Anthropology from the University of Toronto and is an MSc. candidate in International Relations at the London School of Economics and Political Sciences.
• rajivgopie@hotmail.com
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